#givepeaceachance

Enough

/ bolettew / Leave a comment

For months I have been outraged and ashamed of the political rhetoric towards refugees and migrants in Denmark. The right wing parties that think that we have done enough – even too much – won a landslide victory in the recent election. While the most hardcore of the lot did not get into power, the ruling party has to rely on them to pass anything in parliament. Among other nasty actions this caused Denmark to put ads in Lebanese newspapers telling refugees not to come to Denmark, because we are not having it. Needless to say I have not been flaunting my Danish citizenship lately.

I was in the garage trying to find my soap box so I could rant about how I don’t understand the measurement of “enough”. What does it mean that you have done “enough”? Does it mean that we will turn away anyone that rings our doorbell in the future and resign ourselves to a life of pork rinds and inbreeding? Or does it mean we will assess the people coming in, check their pedigree and credentials to see if they are worthy? Even more basic, where do we get off thinking we are so much better than anybody else? Considering the size of the country that makes Denmark way more reliant on the outside world than the world on us, we should recognize that this is a two-way moral obligation.

Luckily, I did not have to air my grievances in from the street corners, because the Danes came through for me. It turns out that the image painted of refugees and migrants as touristy gold diggers who are looking move into your house and to steal your stuff was just a scare tactic employed by very small and petty people who have no idea how global economics work (hint: migration does not make your slice of the cake smaller, it makes the cake bigger!).

The people who are currently entering Europe are not adventurers, they do not have a hidden agenda. They are people who are convinced that their only chance of survival is to leave everything behind and flee their home. And Danes recognize that when they look into the migrants’ eyes, when they see the refugees cry for their drowned children, when they hear them try to locate their lost family members. Danes understand the migrants are like us, that they just want to get their children out of harm’s way and wish for a life free of war and poverty for their family.

I am happy to see that this awakening to humanity is happening in almost all of Europe, and where resistance persists it is frowned upon with the promise that Mama Merkel will deal with you later.

As the wise woman T. Swift states “The haters gonna hate” and while they can inflict horrible pain and indignity, the way forward is to rise above it.There is a meme going around FB saying:

“When you have more than you need, build a longer table, not a higher fence”

And that trumps “I have done enough” every time – pun intended!

Under God’s Authority

/ bolettew / Leave a comment

The ongoing case about the Kentucky county clerk refusing to issue marriage licenses due to her faith has been irking me for days now.

While I have the deepest respect for people with strong beliefs – I sometimes wish mine were more solid – I have a hard time understanding what the intention of holding other people hostage with that faith is. This seems more reminiscent of totalitarian regimes than a government official of the land of the free and the home of the brave.

So she is against same-sex marriage. That is perfectly fine.

So she cannot bring herself to issue marriage licenses with her name on it to same-sex couples. Completely acceptable to me.

But in between those opinions and the utter circus this has turned into, there is about a universe of options and solutions that could have dissolved this seemingly Gordian knot situation many moons ago.

Let me tell you a little story from my old neighborhood. On June 15, 2012 (yes, more than three years ago) it became possible for not only same-sex, but also transgender couples to get married in church in Denmark. Before that date – since 1989! – it has been possible for same-sex and transgender couples to enter a civil union that for all intents and purposes is equal to a mixed-sex marriage in the eyes of the state of Denmark, but for a lot of couples, regardless of sexual orientation, it is obviously also important to be equal in the eyes of the church.

Some priests have had – and still have – qualms about performing the wedding ceremony to any couple other than a man and a woman. Therefore the church allows those who are uncomfortable with this to gracefully bow out and leave it to somebody else. Problem solved, no muss, no fuss, no media frenzy. Right now the debate in Denmark is about how the opting out does not apply to mixed-sex couples where one partner has undergone gender reassignment. If they are a man and a woman now, the priest has to marry them.

And is that not a nice affirmation of what matters is what you are now? It does not matter what you were before, a cokehead, a heavy drinker, an adulterer, a divorcee or a different gender. It does not matter how long you have held your beliefs, all your life or since Tuesday 2 PM, the only thing that matters is that you are here.

To me that is also the essence of the American spirit; that you welcome everybody, that you separate church and state, because regardless of faith you strive to live together in a democracy, that you call yourself The Melting Pot with pride, that the biggest leaps forward in terms of civil rights has been the result of relentless non-violent activism. It should be unnecessary to point out that the American inclusiveness and forgiveness does not work with hypocrisy. If you want it, you have to extend it to everyone else.

I think it is time for someone to be the bigger person. And by someone I mean a certain county clerk who – without losing any dignity – can just say:

“This is against my beliefs and I therefore will step down”

And the rest of us can – just as gracefully – refrain from starting a social media witch hunt on a person who repeatedly has proven that it is never too late to do the right thing.

Happiness Is A Warm Gun

/ bolettew / Leave a comment

Yes, I know there are multiple interpretations of Lennon’s lyrics, but my topic is the most literal one; guns or no guns?

I grew up where there were no guns. Period. People did not own guns, police did not carry guns. Guns were something migrant Americans were shooting at native Americans in movies with music by Ennio Morricone. I have never seen guns except in museums and I find them foreign and scary.

Here are some numbers from 2007 to illustrate the difference between my native and adoptive country:

In Denmark there were about 12 civilian firearms per 100 people, in the US the number was 89.

In Denmark there were 15 homicides by firearm which were 32% of all homicides that year. In the US there were 9146 homicides by firearm which were 60% of all homicides.

Another way of looking at it is that per 100,000 people in Denmark there are 0.3 homicides per year that are caused by firearms. In the US that number is 10 times higher.

Needless to say, in my opinion the answer is no guns. But of course my opinion does not matter, and things get a bit more blurry as I have kids and, to be gender prejudiced, a son.

My 10-year old son loves guns, he has nerf guns a la carte, he plays laser tag and video games full of guns, and when electronics time runs out, he will convert old cardboard boxes into guns and rifles with markers and paints.

This passion of his makes me cringe. I fought it for the longest time. I forbade toy guns in the house. I gave him all the speeches on peace on earth, how guns breeds violence and that we (=Danes) don’t do guns. I even said that since I am so uncomfortable with it, he should be considerate and not play with guns.

It is of course grossly unfair to put that kind of responsibility on a little boy.

My husband is alternating between Frozen (‘Let It Go!’) and Grandpa (‘Boys will be boys’) and sloth (‘Why do you even waste energy on this?!’) so no overwhelming support for my pacifist mission from that side.

This is a major moral dilemma; abstinence or prevention? If it had been sex it would have been so much easier. Everyone knows that teaching abstinence only really does not work, quite contrary in fact. Sex happens no matter if the kiddos know how to protect themselves or not. That is universal.

While the fascination with guns might be universal, too, it really only translates into gun violence IF GUNS ARE READILY AVAILABLE. They seem to be. However much I dislike that there is nothing I can do about it, but get the hell out of Dodge which I am not about to do.

Short of long is that the rationalist voice in my head is saying to be like Sting (‘if you love somebody, set them free’) while the very much more emotional mommy voice is saying ‘Gotta keep all shooting, sharp and blunt objects away from my babies. Gotta roll my babies in bubble wrap that won’t even pop anymore!’

In Danish there is a saying; Trust is better than control. I guess I will just have to trust that my darling boy will grow into a sensible young man whose hormones kick in early and strong enough to drown out the sirens’ song of the firearms, which by the way is one of the many interpretations of John Lennon’s immortal words.