The ongoing case about the Kentucky county clerk refusing to issue marriage licenses due to her faith has been irking me for days now.

While I have the deepest respect for people with strong beliefs – I sometimes wish mine were more solid – I have a hard time understanding what the intention of holding other people hostage with that faith is. This seems more reminiscent of totalitarian regimes than a government official of the land of the free and the home of the brave.

So she is against same-sex marriage. That is perfectly fine.

So she cannot bring herself to issue marriage licenses with her name on it to same-sex couples. Completely acceptable to me.

But in between those opinions and the utter circus this has turned into, there is about a universe of options and solutions that could have dissolved this seemingly Gordian knot situation many moons ago.

Let me tell you a little story from my old neighborhood. On June 15, 2012 (yes, more than three years ago) it became possible for not only same-sex, but also transgender couples to get married in church in Denmark. Before that date – since 1989! – it has been possible for same-sex and transgender couples to enter a civil union that for all intents and purposes is equal to a mixed-sex marriage in the eyes of the state of Denmark, but for a lot of couples, regardless of sexual orientation, it is obviously also important to be equal in the eyes of the church.

Some priests have had – and still have – qualms about performing the wedding ceremony to any couple other than a man and a woman. Therefore the church allows those who are uncomfortable with this to gracefully bow out and leave it to somebody else. Problem solved, no muss, no fuss, no media frenzy. Right now the debate in Denmark is about how the opting out does not apply to mixed-sex couples where one partner has undergone gender reassignment. If they are a man and a woman now, the priest has to marry them.

And is that not a nice affirmation of what matters is what you are now? It does not matter what you were before, a cokehead, a heavy drinker, an adulterer, a divorcee or a different gender. It does not matter how long you have held your beliefs, all your life or since Tuesday 2 PM, the only thing that matters is that you are here.

To me that is also the essence of the American spirit; that you welcome everybody, that you separate church and state, because regardless of faith you strive to live together in a democracy, that you call yourself The Melting Pot with pride, that the biggest leaps forward in terms of civil rights has been the result of relentless non-violent activism. It should be unnecessary to point out that the American inclusiveness and forgiveness does not work with hypocrisy. If you want it, you have to extend it to everyone else.

I think it is time for someone to be the bigger person. And by someone I mean a certain county clerk who – without losing any dignity – can just say:

“This is against my beliefs and I therefore will step down”

And the rest of us can – just as gracefully – refrain from starting a social media witch hunt on a person who repeatedly has proven that it is never too late to do the right thing.